Shock & Awe - Stunned & Amazed
Got Good News from final superannuation place. Happily they did a transfer straight to a bank account. I would have definitely been freaked out by the size of the cheque & the possibility of losing or having it stolen.

Still slightly stunned.

It's not like "it's all over now", though it sorta does feel that way, but that BIG step towards the end is here. It feels like a lot of money, but it wouldn't buy more than a derelict wreck of a building on a very small block somewhere unfashionable in Sydney. It will let me pay off the mortgages on the two small rented-out places in a small village-growing-into-a-town on the rail line between Sydney and New South Wales' second-largest city, Newcastle.

The other most important thing is to also pay back the friends (in particular one), who I literally owe $thousands to, for bills paid and other monetary support during my illness and the worst of the struggles. Mother said she would give me some of her savings (she has an inflated idea of how much she has, because she's still confused with how much things used to be or are now), and she "gave" me some to help with my partner's credit card debt payments. We did this by cheque, so there'd be a record, and I can definitely put that back, because it's very likely to be needed as she gets frailer & needs care.

The financial advisors say you have to have some sort of money still owing on houses you're renting out, but I've been (much earlier than this) in real no-money struggles with a big debt hanging over me. I do not like it at all, and have made sacrifices already to avoid it. If I leave some money owing, it will be a relatively small amount that I can be fairly certain to be able to pay in emergency so that the mortgagor won't be able to seize the property. Will have to work out what's possible. But it's tempting to get myself quite debt-free and then see what's left.

That's when I can tithe, because the money to go to the different estate debts isn't mine, it's the creditors' money. Have to decide what to support, how many ways it can be split and still be a reasonable amount. Since it's not going to be a very large amount, it may be better to give the small amounts to smaller charities where it will make a difference.

Some of the remainder can be used to repair his home (seriously in need of fixed electricals, plumbing, rebuilding back fibro portion that is physically falling apart) and also some smaller repairs needed on my house, and then I'll have to see what's left for a bit of personal stuff -- recliner chair for mother, new mattress for self, fancier blog :) -- and to relace my own savings that have been spent on all this.

Nearly two years now, getting closer to winding up &, maybe, moving on a bit. Not that he'll be forgotten, but I won't be so completely taken up with just sorting through his things, both actual & metaphorical.

Thoughts and feelings just running round & round. Not making all that much sense.
[permalink][comment] - posted by Mez @ 3/04/2004 09:33:00 pm